Disclaimer: the statements below are not in reference to a relationship that would be considered abusive and possibly threatening to an individuals safety. If you believe your life by separating yourself from your partner could be at harm, please seek professional assistance. Consider this website with additional resources https://www.thehotline.org
Relational Endings are very difficulty for me. Even though I have had a plethora of experiences at this point to make me a pro; ending of my relationship with my basketball career, ending of my relationship with my 20's, ending of my relationship with my academic career, etc.
When it comes to my relationships with people however, I have a tendency to hold on tight until my knuckles turn white-- even if the person I am holding onto has not influenced my life in a positive way or in a direction I seek to continue towards.
So why don't I walk away? Why does it feel like I am leaving them behind? How can I be so sure that they won't get it right after this time? What about the other "fifty eleven" times?
But the more you grow the more you know and I am learning to be kinder to those parts of myself that want to believe that "I have failed" in my role within those relationships.
As of today, I have about three things that help me to remember, fist, who the heck I am, and then secondly, that walking away is okay;
1) Not every relationship or friendship is built to last.
People move away, change jobs, grow a in different directions. It doesn't always mean that there has to be a "bad guy or a good guy." When you are active in working on making your world a more tolerable and functional place for you-- not everyone in the room with you now are going to be able to fit through the door.
2) I am allowed to no longer be okay here.
Many times we can get caught up with the statement, "well I've already been here this long" or "we've been through really tough times before" and have used those as reasons to stick around and hold on tighter even though our knuckles are bleeding a bit now. If we allowed ourselves to pay attention to those internal feelings of unease as the relationship progressively becomes uncomfortable, we may have an opportunity to realize sooner that we are no longer okay with being in this relationship. So when we feel unwell or growing frustrated in relationships, it may be our internal sign to walk away.
3) Asking for help.
If you ever question yourself every step of the way when walking away from people, consider talking it out with trusted family, friends, or counsel. We are not capable of looking at ourselves and our lives objectively. There is too much of an emotional investment for us to do so. Seek a listing ear that is able to assist you in presenting the logical understanding of your circumstances safely. They don't need to be right and your understanding to be wrong for you to gain wisdom from a trusted source. Sometimes the event of venting it out is releasing and healing to your process.
Walking away can be scary and the fear of the unknown is real. Yet, the relief that comes from making the decision can be one of the very things to guide you in the long run. You don't have to be happy about the decision, you just have to be okay with it.